


Teen Nero and Tiny Terrors

by kiapurity



Series: TMoBDaSM AU [3]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: F/M, Sam the Researcher, usual swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-10-11 00:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiapurity/pseuds/kiapurity
Summary: FINALLY. The long-awaited sequel to "Misadventures of Bug Dad and Sexy Mom" and "Dadgil and Son" is finally here.Teenager Nero and the tiny terrors (his twin siblings and one cousin) are here to bring moderate anarchy.--- SERIES CURRENTLY ON HIATUS ---





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long!

He was gonna murder that little brat.

Nero removed a nerf dart from his forehead. Ever since the twins’ sixth birthday party, Nero had been covered in the darts from the girl’s surprise sniping. Of course, she would inherit a real sniper rifle later to their father’s exasperation regarding his firm stance on guns.

“RIZA! I KNOW YOU’RE HIDING, YOU LITTLE…” Nero looked around, pretty sure she was hiding somewhere high.

A tiny giggling sound gave her position away and Nero grinned. Gotcha. He used his devil bringer to yoink the squirming white-haired six year old out of her hiding position, clutching her beloved nerf sniper gun.

“Not fair!” Riza yelled.

“You gave yourself away, it’s only fair.” Nero patted Riza’s head. “You’re lucky you’re my favorite little sister.”

Pout.

“I’m your only sister!” She pointed out.

Nero put Riza down, letting her run free. He had lost track of the other twin who was probably curled up in a cozy spot reading somewhere. At least they didn’t fight with each other unlike his father and uncle. Riza always would be Victor’s fierce protector whether everyone liked it or not. When double teamed with their cousin, Ann, they were sure to promise a nice dose of double terror.

Nero sighed. He should really beg for his own cell phone from his parents due to Riza constantly interrupting on landline phones in the house whenever he was trying to talk to Kyrie. Kyrie hadn’t minded too much, just laughed and told Nero that she was scary at that age. Nero was sure he remembered differently, but he was never on the receiving end of Kyrie’s pranks which would account for the bias.

\--

Peace and quiet.

Nero thought he should do this more often, hiding at Kyrie’s house away from the mild anarchy. Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to spend more time with Kyrie. It still embarrassed him every time he remembered the time he declared to his family that he was gonna marry Kyrie when they grew up. Of course he still felt the same way but did she?

When she came out of the kitchen with a plateful of strawberry cream scones, he immediately beamed. “Is that a new recipe?”

“Yup! It’s my first time trying this. I hope it turns out well because I want to be prepared for the bake sale for the orphanage.”

Nero popped a piece in his mouth. “Oh… my god. Kyrie, you are soooo good.” He immediately blushed in embarrassment. “I mean, uh, this scone is really good.”

“Thanks! Do you want to help me with the bake sale?”

“Sure, anything to get away from the twins.” He groaned.

“What did Riza do this time?”

“Sniped me out of nowhere with that nerf gun of hers. It’s been going on since that birthday party...”

“And the other one?”

“No idea. Always out of sight reading. If I get asked to babysit them this weekend, I’m going to cry.”

“Ah, they can help with the bake sale!”

“ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, KYRIE.” Nero almost bellowed at the top of his lungs and coughed, dialing down his tone. “I mean…”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine with crowd control!” Kyrie patted Nero’s shoulders.

“I’m going to babysit them this weekend, aren’t I?”

“Well… your mom did call ahead since she knew you would skip out on that.”

“Da-- dang it.” Nero immediately corrected himself, trying not to swear in front of Kyrie.

Swearing was just a weird thing for him. He didn’t have any issues swearing at home except when the twins were in hearing range. It was a challenge for him and their mom to try not to swear with them involved. Also, he didn’t feel right swearing in front of Kyrie anymore and he wasn’t sure why. She didn’t seem to have any issues with it but… still, Nero just wanted to be a perfect gentleman for her.

He could only hope he was succeeding at the gentleman part despite his casual wear and having mostly failed at trying to pick up pointers from his father. There was a brief memory blip of back when Vergil had tried to teach Nero about the basics of birds and bees with overly complicated diagrams only for Vergil to get roasted by grandpa to the point he wound up sitting in the front yard out of frustration.

Yeah, Nero was just going to have to play it by ear on his own since it was still a mystery as to how his parents even got together in the first place. Whenever asked about it, it was always something akin to “He was half dead on his feet and I had to beat some sense into him to take better care of himself.” … or “Your mom’s assets were distracting.”

Assets? At the time Nero still had no idea what his father had been going on about that. It wasn’t until he turned seventeen that it finally hit him how much things had changed when they were children. How Kyrie was filling out-- 

Nero’s brain immediately shut down.

“Nero?”

“...could you get me some water, please?” He finally managed to sputter out a sentence.

No dirty thoughts allowed! He mentally scolded himself. He was the permanent holder of Sparda Family Brain Cell ™ for a reason and couldn’t afford to let himself get distracted by such things. He forced himself to think of other things while Kyrie went to fetch a glass of water. He still hadn’t approached his parents about the delicate topic of maybe joining the Order of the Sword because Credo had suggested it one day.

It would be a good excuse for him to visit Fortuna more often and be around Kyrie. He just didn’t know how his parents would react to it. Nero already knew Sam the Researcher would complain about that idea in regards to a certain mad scientist. Advance warning was a good thing after all. He would have to figure out a good way to drop this bomb on his parents.

\--

Today’s Report:  
By  
Sam

Informal gathering at Sparda and Eva’s house for weekly family dinner and board games. Dante and Vergil still banned from playing board games because things still always end in bloodshed with them involved.

Brie and Colby are entertaining the little ones by spinning around them. New nerf dart on my forehead courtesy of Riza. Ducking nerf rockets from Ann as I write this up. Victor has apparently vanished again and I believe he was carrying _Moby Dick_ with him at last sighting.

Nero tentatively tried to broach the subject about joining the Order of the Sword. Parents’ reactions a little understated if only because they were shocked into silence. I threw a notebook at Nero and suggested that it was maybe a HIGHLY BAD IDEA TO DO SO. Nero threw it back at me and shouted back that someone had to watch out for Kyrie.

Transcription:

C: Oh, so Kyrie’s the *real* reason?  
N: Er… I guess?  
C: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect the one you love.  
N: I suppose.  
V: Wait, are you two even officially dating?  
N: ...did you even know what dating was when you knocked up mom?  
V: (silence)  
C: (trying to not die from laughter)  
D: Damn, you got roasted by your own son.

I don’t think Vergil has been able to speak for a long time now. Unfortunately, Ann heard this and chose this perfect moment to ask in her little sweet innocent voice about what that term meant. Dante put his hands on Ann’s ears and shot a glare at Nero before escaping from the room with his daughter with a loud “YOU’LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU’RE A CONSENTING ADULT.”

Riza was tugging at my jacket. “It totally means unexpected pregnancies, right?”

I told her I was not qualified to answer that and to go horrify her parents instead.

\--

Following the bake sale a few days later after that family dinner, Nero was leaning back in his chair at the table. The younger relatives were largely behaving themselves, charming people with their cuteness and generating a fair share of income.

“They’re a bigger help than I thought.” Kyrie beamed at Nero. “How was the family dinner?”

“The usual.” Nero sighed. “I tried to ask parents about joining the order. Dad didn’t know what to think but … mom has been teasing me about it.”

“To be fair, being in the Order is a little weird since I personally know your grandfather.” Kyrie giggled. “Who would’ve ever thought the Great Sparda was so… unusual?”

“You’re telling me. We managed to get him out of the baroque period for the third time last month.

“So, Nero. Want to make it official?”

“Make what official?”

“You and me… dating?”

Nero leaned back too far and fell over flat on his back with a loud whump. He blinked, staring up at Kyrie bending over him.

“Nero?”

“Yes! Of course… I uh, yes.”

“Is Kyrie going to give Nero boob cpr?” Riza said while holding the cookie basket.

“RIZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting with principal over demon fishes. Awkward attempted dad/son bonding. Intense soul searching embarrassment over romantic feelings. Victor finally says something.

Sam the Researcher was sitting in the front yard, writing in their notebook when Nero arrived home from school. He looked around, wondering where his parents were before Sam sighed at the teenager.

“They got called in.”

“...what did Riza do this time?” Nero gave a small groan.

“Funny, it was Victor.”

“What. How?”

“Details unclear, but something about assault with a fish.”

Nero just stood there for a really long time, trying to figure out why his normally quiet younger brother would be compelled to attack someone with a fish. Actually, where Victor would have ever gotten his hands on a fish was a complete mystery. Nero wasn’t sure if there was a such thing as demon fish in the first place.

“Yes, they exist.”

“Er…?”

“I mean, if your grandpa can make demon cheese wheels out of hell cow milk. It wouldn’t be so unreasonable that demon fish could exist.”

“Thank god my dad had some sense to stay in the human world.”

“Your mother would have strangled him with his cravat otherwise.”

Nero thought about that for a moment before responding. “That may explain why he’s changed his look recently. I’m gonna call mom.”

“You finally got a cell phone?”

“I didn’t even have to beg, mom got annoyed with not being able to get in touch with me.”

“Ah.”

“Hello, mom?”

Nero was listening to his mom complain on the other end about the school having a bit of blind spot with problem students and if her children kept getting called in for defending themselves against bullies, by god, she would raise hell if she had to. He could hear his father frantically try to calm her down with a loud Riza yelling “RAISE HELL, MOM! RAISE HELL!” Of course, there was practically nothing from Victor on the other end except for a certain bird cackling about fish missiles.

Nero should have known. Griffon, the asshole bird was back at it.

“...Yes, mom. I’ll start dinner tonight.” Nero hit ‘end call’ button on his phone.

“Good luck.” Sam got off the lawn. “I’ll be seeing you later.”

“Er, wait, Sam? Was there a reason you were coming by?”

“Not really. Just was out for a walk and found myself here when I saw your mom rush out of the house, dragging your father.”

“Ah, well. Thanks for letting me know, Sam.”

As Nero made his way into the house, dumping his bag on the hallway bench before hitting the kitchen. He grabbed the list off of the fridge and mumbled to himself about meal prep. It was a good thing he inherited his mom’s competency in the kitchen because the last thing anyone needed was a half exploded kitchen with mystery meals all charred to bits. His father was improving… slowly.

\--

The family had returned just as Nero finished cooking dinner, spaghetti with some garlic bread. At the very least, dinner was considerably quiet compared to that phone call and the tense day the parents had with the principal.

Riza glanced at her big brother. “Thank you! This food is really good.”

“You’re being uncharacteristic nice today… why?” Nero was immediately suspicious.

“Why can’t I be nice for a change?”

“It’s because we’re going out of town for the weekend.” Vergil responded. “And you’re in charge again.”

“...is it another job?” Nero asked. “I thought Dante could handle those.”

“It’s a big one, he needs all the help he can get.”

Nero had the distinct feeling that he was babysitting an awfully a lot lately and he couldn’t figure out why.

“I guess I’ll just call him then to confirm--”

“Ah! Wait! Do that after we’re done eating.” Carina shook her head then gave Vergil a questioning glare.

“This isn’t even a job at all, is it.” He finally clued in. “You two are just literally going on a romantic get-away.”

“I’m not saying anything.” Vergil muttered.

“If only because your father is responsible for the whole boob cpr debacle.”

Nero stared at his mom for a good long time. “That does explain too much. I’m going to need therapy right now.”

“He claimed he tripped and fell and mommy had to revive him with boobs!” Riza exclaimed. “Even made weird motor boat sounds.”

“...I’m done.” Nero immediately stood up, leaving the dining table with his plate and a phone book.

“You are grounded, young lady.” Vergil scowled at Riza.

“Ground yourself for being a pervert, papa!”

Carina just gave a loud sigh as Victor put down his book to finally poke at his food. He immediately looked up and said out loud, “I’m going to check on big brother.”

\--

After a series of rather unsuccessful attempts at getting recommendations from various family members and one Researcher who promptly told him that their method was not helpful in the slightest and it was something Nero would have to deal with on his own. Instead, he was lying on his bed, headphones over his ears in order to drown mental trauma out with rock music.

Wordlessly, Victor opened the door and hopped on the bed next to Nero. The younger sibling always had very little to say, preferring to choose his words very carefully. Nero glanced at him, lifting one side off his ear.

“What’s up?”

“Just wanted to check on you.”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“Okay. Mind if I stay here and listen to music with you too?”

“Sure.” Nero removed his headphones, unplugging it from the cd player allowing the music to flood the room.

The younger sibling smiled as he listened to the music. Unsurprisingly, Riza followed shortly after and hopped onto the bed with her brothers.

“You too?”

“Yup.”

“Alright, I guess.” Nero sighed.

\--

Report for today  
By  
Sam

Things are proceeding as normal in the clan. I suppose it could be called that at this point now since there’s so many members, some by blood and some adopted in through sheer insanity. On the other hand, it seems that Nero has somehow missed out on this insanity, having called me for therapist recommendations.

Declined to tell him that my therapist of choice was the Sparda brewed alcoholic drinks. I honestly have no advice that would save his sanity. He told me the entire story and now I really wish I didn’t have the image stuck in my head too. Thanks, Nero.

It would seem that his parents have been attempting weekend getaways in guise of jobs (I believe some of them were actually legit jobs) just so they could have a break from the kids. I can’t say I blame them, Riza is a terror with her perfect stealth and sudden nerf darts. When she grows up, demons will learn to *fear* her if they haven’t already by now.

On the other hand, Sparda has come up with a couple of new drinks: “Hot Lightning”, “Sexy Noodles” (...that’s not a drink, that’s a dish, Sparda), “Stinging Launchers”... still haven’t quite figured out what makes Dante blech actual dragons with “Ticklish Dragon”.

Eva suggested that maybe Sparda should open a small bar. You have no idea how loud the “DING!” just went off in his head. I am forced to help Sparda with the small details like acquiring real estate, liquor license and building insurance for the bar. Eva’s managing the financing side of things and no one else in the family knows about this yet. Sparda wants it to be a special surprise.

Oh, everyone will be surprised alright.

\--

Carina had gone into Nero’s room to see if he was okay and found all the children dozing off. The CD player had long since stopped playing music. Nero stretched, stifling a yawn and looked at the doorway.

“Ah, damn. More tired than I thought.”

“Oh, that’s alright. Looks like the twins are completely zonked out. They really look up to you.”

“I guess. You okay with me joining the Order? I mean, you know... “

She shook her head. “It’s your feelings that matter here. I never did believe in the religion when I still lived there, falling asleep during the services enough that my uncle got angry at me and banned me from attending again.”

“Is it a bad thing that I’m only doing this to be closer to Kyrie?”

“Nero, when you were little, you told me that you were going to marry her when you guys got older.”

Nero immediately blushed at the memory, letting out a weak, “Mom…” before sighing. Carina went over to the bed to pick up Riza and let out a small grunt.

“They’re getting pretty big. Damn, I think I’m getting old.”

“Nah.” Nero shrugged. “Where’s dad?”

“In the library, somewhat moping. He’s been feeling a little disconnected from you. You guys used to be pretty close but since you’re a teenager now, he doesn’t quite know what to do.”

“Doesn’t he remember when he used to be one?”

Carina just gave Nero a pointed look, making him flinch. “Just sit with him or something. He misses his baby.”

“Mom…”

“Nero, dear, you’ll always be our baby no matter how old you are. Go on!”

Having lost an argument he never knew about, his mom was pretty sneaky like that. Nero went towards the library, finding his father engrossed in a well loved childhood book. It was not like he was trying to be quiet on purpose. Nero was convinced that his mom was onto something, he didn’t notice there was a small gulf between them. His family was the center of his world, but especially with his father who was his idol.

“Dad?” Nero cleared his throat. “What’s up?”

“Yes?” Vergil closed the book, letting it sit on his lap.

The two just stared at each other in awkward silence. Shit. Nero quickly took his seat in the other chair, scratching at his head.

“Mom thinks you’re sulking.”

“She exaggerates.”

Nero crossed his arms. “I know it feels like I’ve been dodging you and all. I mean, it’s not easy being a teenager.”

“I know the feeling all too well. My father had trouble relating to me but I’m not sure he was quite clear on how to relate to most people without some kind of insane scheme occuring.”

“...what is grandpa up to this time?”

“I’m not entirely sure.”

“Is it going to be another baroque period or worse?”

“That’s the thing that scares me. I don’t know.” Vergil sounded a little unsure of himself before deciding to change the topic. “Order of the Sword?”

“Yeah. Kyrie matters to me.”

“Still planning on marrying her?”

Nero started blushing furiously. “You and mom keep bringing that up…”

“You were very certain of that promise. Has things changed?”

“Uh-- no! No, nothing has changed! We’re just kind of getting started with actual dating.”

The poor teenager was still beet red before burying his face in his hands muttering about how Kyrie was so cute that it hurt. The father was at a slight loss as to how to offer advice to his son despite being roasted not too long ago over dating remark.

“All I can only suggest is that you take it slow. I was a bit hasty with your mother.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“Flowers are good. Favorite sweets. Serenading.”

Serenading?! Nero was not sure Kyrie would be impressed with him belting out rock music lyrics as he groaned.

“It doesn’t need to be music.”

“I don’t have the entire world of poetry memorized either, dad.”

“Perhaps I have been remiss in your education…”

“I turned out FINE.”

Vergil supposed Nero wasn’t wrong in that respect. Then again, there was a sticky subject that he needed to discuss with his son but he wasn’t sure how Nero would react to it. Probably poorly if what he thought was correct.

“Do you remember that time?”

“Huh?”

“That time I tried to teach you about sex education.”

“You mean when grandpa roasted you so badly that you sat in the front yard?”

“...yes.”

“What are you getting at, dad?”

Vergil scowled slightly before starting again. “If you ever need birth control…” He stopped once he noticed Nero had frozen in a petrified state. There was a quiet “oh for” before Vergil got out of his chair to gently shake his son by his shoulders.

“Kyrie is too pure for the likes of that…” Nero was babbling. “I can’t think about doing such a thing to her!”

“You do realize you are seventeen and have hormones.”

“I know! I just--”

“It’s going to happen eventually, you should be prepared.”

“I…” Nero had started wobbling again. Just thinking about Kyrie in that manner was too much for him to take. Could he do something like this? His mind went blank with fear.

“Your mother is going to kill me for breaking you.” Vergil groaned, facepalming. “Perhaps, I’m no good at these talks…”

\--

Nero was back in his bedroom, having somewhat snapped back to normal. That bonding attempt ended in sheer confusion but his mom did not kill his dad. She had just facepalmed and said that maybe Nero should ask around for more advice. Vergil had been slightly offended at the idea of Nero asking Dante for dating advice, saying that he didn’t see why Dante would have any better ideas. Carina pointed out that it would be more reassuring for Nero if he had a wide range of advice and pointed out that they were still the most important role models in his life.

He dialed Kyrie’s phone, hoping to hear her voice. She picked up on the first ring, having sounded a little breathless. A twinge made Nero panic a little bit before he tried to sound a little casual, but not too casual.

“Hey, Kyrie.”

“Nero! I’m so glad you called. How are you?”

“Good. I think my parents aren’t too bothered by me joining the organization.”

“I’ll tell Credo! Then maybe I’ll see you this weekend?”

“Aw hell, I’ll have my siblings with me. Would that be okay?”

“I don’t see why not. They’re always a delight to be around.”

“Oh yeah, like the Order isn’t going to find two children and a sulky teenager with white hair at the least suspicious.”

“They barely noticed they had pink robes for a month until someone pointed it out.”

“Kyrie…”

“You’ll be just fine. Love you!”

Nero blushed again, holding onto the phone with both hands. It took every fiber of his being to not fall off the bed overwhelmed by his feelings.

\--

Nero didn’t understand why but Ann was now with the group. Make that three children and one sulky teenager … all with white hair who were now stuck on the island. Dante had given him some helpful dating advice before dropping off his daughter: “Relax. Be yourself. Protection.” Nero had to suppress the urge to plant a foot in his uncle’s face for the latter remark.

Credo had no words for the tiny terror squad upon seeing them. They went to stay with Kyrie while Nero had to navigate the awkward world of orientation and tedious paperwork to get started.

“Do I have to wear white uniforms? Can’t I wear whatever I want with a patch?”

Credo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “...we will see.”

He clearly understood the teenager had a sense of his style having largely grown up away from the island despite his mother’s connections. Which made perfect sense for him to come aboard as an independent contractor who couldn’t be easily swayed by the higher ups. Credo was having problems making headways on trying to reform the Order itself largely because Sanctus was the boss and the obstacle himself.

“I’ve got my own weapons, so I’m good.” Nero added before Credo had a chance to say something.

Meanwhile, Kyrie was regaling the young children with tales of how she used to terrorize the order. Ann and Riza were busy taking notes while Victor simply shook his head. However, Victor had surprised Kyrie by asking her about how she felt about Nero.

“Um, well, I consider him really important to me.”

“He feels the same way.”

“Thank you!” Kyrie smiled sweetly. “You’re just so precious.”

Victor nodded in response before Ann suddenly interrupted. “Riza and I are going to scope out the place!”

“Er-- Wait.”

And the two took off in a flash, both Victor and Kyrie sighed. In the next five minutes, they could clearly hear Nero yelling “WHAT THE BLEEP!?” a good distance away.

“We better go save him.” Victor declared.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More demon fishes and stress baking. First date!

Report for today  
By Sam

Well. Something from Fortuna apparently got international media attention especially considering it was an extreme form of vandalism that left the giant Sparda statue with *permanent* Beethoven hair.

Nero told me that Ann and Riza were to blame for this. I questioned what method was used to vandalize the statue with. There were some vague remarks of rocket launchers and demonic shaving cream. I had to stop writing in my notebook long enough to ponder the question of the properties of demonic shaving cream.

Either way, Nero said that the Order of the Sword didn’t have any knowhow on how to repair the statue as it stands right now and he was lucky enough to make up a bullshit excuse that prevented them from being permanently banned from the island. Something about the remnants of Mundus’ Army being angry. (This may have some truth to it…)

Still too afraid to return to Fortuna considering I heard that Angus is on a mission to restore the statue. Good luck to him, I suppose.

\--

Nero was still embarrassed by the previous day’s incident. It wasn’t enough to get him banned from babysitting which was both fortunate and unfortunate. It went without saying, whenever Riza and Ann teamed up, chaos were sure to follow. Kyrie was especially impressed with the prank, having pointed out that the statue was a little more accurate now.

At the very least, it forced Sparda to give up on the idea of that particular hairstyle permanently. That was a great plus to the vandalism, if it could be called that. However, the Order had considered it an act of terrorism that their beautiful statue could be defaced in such a manner. Credo had helped Nero cover up the incident only because he really needed Nero’s assistance.

He was in his bedroom again, working on his homework with his headphones on. Griffon waddled up to Nero, too aware of the teenager being in another world. Squawking was out of the question, so he nudged Nero’s elbow. Nada. That left Griffon with one other opinion…

A demon fish slammed in middle of Nero’s homework, flailing.

Nero whirled his head at Griffon. “Really?! In the middle of my homework?! How am I going to tell the teacher that the asshole demon bird threw up a demon fish on it…”

“Then take me to your school and use me as proof.”

“Not happening.” Nero grumbled, shooing the bird off the desk. He picked up the fish which was still wriggling. “What the hell am I going to do--”

Griffon took the fish from Nero’s hand and swallowed. “Your dad wants to have more awkward sex talk with you.”

“PLEASE GO AWAY.” The angry teenager shouted at the bird who exited through the open window. He grumbled, putting his headphones down and turned the fan on his text book to try to dry it of any demon slime that remained.

He wasn’t happy about having more awkward talks with his dad but there was no way of getting out of this. His mother would only badger him if she felt he wasn’t spending enough time with his dad. Nero looked into the library, having assumed his dad would be in there and expressed considerable confusion once he realized that the room was empty. Did the damn bird lie to him just to get out of trouble?

There was a slight burning smell from the kitchen. Right. Nero followed his nose to the kitchen, hoping it hadn’t burned down from whatever Vergil was cooking. He was staring at piles of cookies on the kitchen table and Vergil darting back and forth.

“...are you stress baking?”

“A little bit. There’s a birthday party in the twins’ class so I volunteered to bake.”

“And mom LET YOU?”

“She said she was humoring me. Now that the last batch is baking, shall we pick up where we left off from the other day, son?”

“Why.” Nero groaned. “The conversation wasn’t exactly great.”

“Correct. I did miss a critical piece of information which involves.” Vergil paused to clear his throat awkwardly. “Devil Trigger.”

“What.”

“When a man loves a woman and woman wants something a little extra in the bedroom.”

“We are so not fucking talking about this. Go back to burning down the kitchen, I’m out.”

“Maybe I should have your mother explain this…”

“Nope, nope, nope!”

Nero was about to escape until summoned swords blocked the doorway. “Your mother will kill me if we don’t finish this conversation.” He glared back at his father who had a complete stone expression on his face. Then oven beeped and Vergil turned his attention back to the oven to grab the cookies, still pointing a free hand at Nero. “Don’t think about running away.”

“I don’t really want to talk about this. I haven’t even held Kyrie’s hand yet!”

“You used to all the time.”

“That was different! That was when we were kids and it wasn’t like mushy romance stuff yet!” Nero was at the point of curling up and dying on the floor from this conversation.

Vergil pointed a spatula at his son. “There are some anatomy changes in Devil Trigger for what it’s worth. You’d do well to be prepared.”

“Tuning out…”

A nerf dart landed in the middle of Vergil’s forehead. He quirked an eyebrow and reached up to pull the dart. Nero was suddenly no longer in the kitchen once he returned his attention back to where Nero should have been standing.

“The children are conspiring again.”

\--

Thanks to Riza saving Nero from his certain doom from awkward father/son conversations, he was forced to treat the twins to ice cream. They were sitting in the shop, enjoying their various frozen treats.

“Dad has the subtlety of a brick.” Riza complained. “You’re welcome, Nero.”

“How is it that you’re not traumatized from this?”

“I wasn’t listening. I just saw you panicking and figured I needed to save you.”

“The house may not be safe to return to for the moment.” Victor spoke up.

Nero’s phone rang and for a moment, his face froze in panic before he finally answered, realizing that the number was Kyrie’s.

“Hey.”

“You doing okay? Your mom called me because you were suddenly not home…”

“It’s too weird to explain.” Nero sighed. “Just another attempt at father and son bonding went badly.”

“Oh, really? What was the topic?”

Nero went speechless and just made some unintelligible sounds trying to explain what he really didn’t want to explain so Kyrie had sounded puzzled and asked him to repeat that.

“Just… bad dating advice.” Nero finally answered.

“You sound really embarrassed.”

“Uhhh, yeah, it was that bad.”

Riza finished her ice cream and piped up with a, “Hi Kyrie!” before going off to dispose of her trash with Victor in tow. The twins returned to their seat, looking at Nero who was still on the phone, blushing with embarrassment.

“I’ll uh, take you out for movies this weekend. How does that sound?”

“Perfect! Love you!”

Nero was halfway cooked when he hung up the phone and slammed his head on the table. “What do I do…? Everyone has embarrassing and bad advice.”

“Really, brother!” Riza put her hands on her hips. “You’re overthinking this.”

“Just chill.”

“The mouth on you two.” Nero glared at the twins but at this point, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with returning to the house just yet. He finished his ice cream quickly before calling his mom.

“Nero! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, the twins are with me. The conversation got too much for me.”

“I swear, he doesn’t know how to be subtle. It’s not something he can do very easily. Do you still need that therapist?”

“I am not sure if I want to subject a therapist to the tales of the entire Sparda clan. I mean, Sam is still stuck drinking alcohol forever.”

“Right. What did your father say to you?”

“I really don’t want to remember this.”

“I think I know what he said.” There was a loud facepalm over the phone. “That was too early for him to have brought up that topic. Actually, does Kyrie even know?”

“I’ve never changed around her.” Nero blanked out, trying to remember if any time in his childhood he’s ever had his extra arms out around Kyrie. Nothing was coming to mind. “Have I EVER changed?”

“Few times but they only were when you got mad then you started getting better at controlling your temper. Rest of the time, you only popped your extra arms out.”

“Oh.” Nero answered, unsure what to say next.

“I’ll make sure to tackle your father next time he tries to bring up weird topics again.”

“Thanks, mom.”

\--

The weekend was almost here and Nero was nervously pacing around in his bedroom with the music blasting on high. His father and uncle were out of town on a job while his mother and aunts were in the living room, drinking and talking. He was definitely doing this all wrong not having asked the women for dating advice when he got such weird answers from the male figures in his life. Last time he had asked his grandpa for dating advice, it was “Noodles.” And Nero still didn’t know what that meant.

He turned his radio off and went to the living room, ducking a barrage of nerf darts and rockets from the girls. Victor had disappeared into the library as usual with the horde of Shadows and a good book to read.

“So.” Nero began, interrupting the conversation. “I need dating advice.”

Trish handed Nero a calendar. “I think you’ll be good.”

Nero stared at the calendar in his hand and squinted back at the blonde trying to form words but slumped his shoulders in defeat.

“Oh, you could also throw demon parts at Kyrie too. It’s a sign of strength too.”

“No.” Nero answered, still holding the calendar in his hands.

“Ah, girlfriend troubles?” Lady asked.

“More like transitioning from childhood friends to romantic relationship and he’s just scared.” Carina sighed. “He has not been getting helpful advice.”

“Hey, I thought that was funny with the calendar! But the demon parts? That’s a real thing.”

“Grandpa suggested noodles and I still have no idea what he meant by that.”

“Probably best that it’s left a mystery. I heard you asking Dante about that. He’s got the right idea. Just be yourself.”

“Uggggh.” Nero slumped into an available chair, legs over the armrest. “I feel like I need to do something more. Kyrie is special and deserves all the good stuff and I feel like… I’m just not.”

“Nero! Where is this coming from?” Carina was out of her chair, ruffling Nero’s hair. “You are good enough.”

“I dunno, it’s just... teenager thing, I guess.”

“You’re special and I’m pretty sure Kyrie knows that. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of.” Lady added.

“I guess…?”

“Demon parts. Still a good idea.”

“Not helping, Trish.”

\--

The big day was here with Nero nervously standing in front of the movie theatre waiting for Kyrie. He had tried his best to look all smooth and casual and even endured Riza fussing over her brother and scolded him for looking like a slob. Victor slipped a small book of poetry in Nero’s hands and only flashed a thumbs up.

At least he knew he had support from his family.

“Hi!” Kyrie waved her arm when she finally approached Nero.

Nero felt his heart pound in his ears the instant he took in her appearance. A cute white sundress with pale yellow floral patterns paired with low heeled sandals that seemed to be empasing her nice legs that were-- then Nero’s brain short circuited.

“Hey…” He finally stammered out. “You look very nice.”

“Thanks. I had trouble picking the right outfit. You look nice yourself!”

“Uhhh, Riza helped.”

“I’m surprised she decided to do something nice for you!”

“She told me to get over myself.”

“Ha, ha! That’s definitely her. Shall we go?”

“Yes.” Nero was blushing furiously as Kyrie grabbed his arm.

Being a teenager was definitely a hell of a thing. Maybe he’ll eventually get to a point in which he would finally get over himself and start being the confident person he used to be before hormones reared up and kicked his ass. He was probably the lucky bastard who had flawless skin and hair in his high school. He was definitely the envy of a few students and he had never paid any attention to people who talked about him. While Nero had a handful of friends, the only one who ever really mattered to him was Kyrie. She was definitely his world and the fact that he had panicked so much made him feel so silly. Of course, she would always be there for him.

The rest of the date went pretty swimmingly, the movie that they chose was a comedy as per Kyrie’s suggestion. They shared a bag of popcorn throughout the movie, Nero had to especially make sure he didn’t accidentally choke at the funny bits. They were sitting out on the bench, watching the night sky while Kyrie was waiting for her ride.

“I had a great time!”

“So did I.”

“Totally gotta do this more often, ha ha.”

Nero only grinned back before being surprised with Kyrie leaning in for a kiss. He instinctively returned the kiss as it should have been. A flash went off in the bushes behind them, surprising the young couple.

Nero turned his head, staring at his sister who had a camera in her hands.

“I wanted to document your first kiss?”

“Riz-- god.” He slumped his head. “Am I that pathetic?”

“A little bit.”

“Does mom know where you are?”

“Crap.” Riza bailed.

“How did she even get here?” Kyrie asked.

Nero had to digest that thought. His father should still have the Yamato with him so that was a really good question for the ages. He could hear the distinct sound of a cheese wheel hissing.

“Yeah, never mind.” Nero snorted. “Let’s just enjoy this moment before we get interrupted again.”

“Mmm, that’s what I want to hear.” Kyrie snuggled up against him.

Barely anyone noticed that Nero was glowing golden with happiness on the bench and somewhere a researcher was sighing and writing in their notebook while dealing with a naughty twin who was attempting blackmail material and failed.


	4. Chapter 4

Riza was sitting in front of a mirror, gazing at her own reflection in the mirror. She was intently studying her facial features, wondering how much came from each parent. Her mother was patiently weaving braids, adding little flower decorations.

“Mom, why is my hair white?”

“I suppose.” Carina began, adding another flower. “It might be the demon blood.”

“But I don’t feel like a monster.”

“And you aren’t, my dear. No matter how much Nero calls you one. I know you like to pick on him and all…”

“That’s because someone has to keep big brother in line! He has to be strong for Kyrie!”

“And why is that?”

Riza pouted for a moment. “I don’t feel okay with him in that group.”

“I don’t, either.” Carina sighed. “The times I would snore during the services. Now, let’s see how you look now.”

“This is perfect, mommy!” Riza beamed at her reflection then her gaze shot over to her mom’s, noticing a bit of a bittersweet expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just remembering how Nanny used to do my hair like that when I was a child.”

“You should do your hair too!”

“You’re sweet, but no. I’m not a princess, you are.”

Riza frowned, shaking her head as she got off the cushion, climbing on top of it to at least get something close enough to be able to stare at her mom in the eyes. Her blue eyes versus her mother’s yellow eyes. “If I’m a princess then that means you’re a queen, you can’t argue with that logic, mom!”

“...okay, Riza.” Carina’s shoulders slumped slightly. “What would a queen’s hair look like?”

That question had the young girl stunned for a moment before she thought deeply. How to even begin…? She wasn’t really the type to play with dolls but perhaps, there was some logic in doing so if it taught one how to look their best when kicking butt in style.

“I don’t know.” Riza answered finally. “You wear your hair so many different ways.”

“Then in theory, it shouldn’t matter how I wear my hair?” Carina replied.

“I guess.”

\--

Riza couldn’t say why but she didn’t feel satisfied with that answer. She knew her mother was right but at the same time, she just wanted her mom to realize how important she was, damn it. Maybe her grandmother would have some ideas?

At least it was easy enough visiting her grandparents, just that it took some creative talent with dodging her grandfather and his odd ideas. He was going on about a fancy pub and it seemed that his ideas were getting more elaborate each time as if he didn’t quite know what he wanted it to look like. Sam the Researcher kept shooting down ideas with a flat “no” every time and took a sip from their flask rest of the time.

Finally, Riza spoke up. “Grandpa! You should at least try to stay in one time period!”

“But human history has a lot of creative innovation and I wanted that reflected in the pub.” Sparda protested loudly. “There’s just too many to pick from.”

“You literally cannot mix French Rocco with the EIGHTIES.” Sam took another sip.

“It was worth the effort.”

“Keep working at it.” Sam rolled their eyes and turned to Riza. “What’s up? Nero not around for you to annoy?”

“Yeah, he’s with Kyrie but this isn’t about him. Grandma around? ‘Cause I wanna ask her a question.”

“Oh, she’s hiding in the kitchen right now. Something about testing recipes for the pub.”

“Thanks, Sam!”

The two walked into the kitchen in which Eva was busy cooking some kind of pasta dish on the stove with something that smelled like chicken in the oven. She was pacing back and forth, dealing with a checklist.

“Oh, you guys are here just in time! Try some of the sandwiches and Riza, I’ll need your sweet tooth with the desserts.”

“That sounds great, Grandma!”

Sam picked up a sandwich, taking a bite of it. They were considerably impressed enough to flash a thumbs up while Eva jotted that down on her notepad. Riza looked back and forth, realizing that her Grandma had cooked enough to send leftovers off to the entire Sparda clan.

“Sorry to interrupt your cooking. I have a question for you.”

“What is it?” Eva put down her notepad long enough to pull the chicken tenders out of the oven.

“I feel like my mom doesn’t think too highly of herself. I mean, she gave me a pretty princess hair and I wanted to know why she didn’t do the same for herself.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Eva sighed. “Your mother was in a bad situation that your father had to save her from.”

“The one time I asked dad about that…” Riza said as she grabbed a cupcake. “He said that he was only saving a princess from an ogre.”

Sam nearly choked while trying a baked potato skin as Eva laughed. “I’m not surprised, your father always thought of himself as a prince off to save damsels in distress.”

“I wonder who was really in distress.” The researcher mumbled after downing a glass of water Eva handed over.

“So I wanted her to at least feel like she’s special like she deserves to be. I told her that she should have a queen’s hair to go with my princess hair. But I don’t know what a queen does with their hair.”

“You’re such a sweetheart.” Eva smiled, bending over to wipe a crumb away from Riza’s face. “What did your mother say?”

“She said it didn’t matter. But I don’t feel like that’s the right answer!”

“It might just be how she feels. Of course, you could change her mind with some kind of small gift. Like, you could get her a pretty decorative comb.”

“...you’re right, grandma!” Riza gave Eva a quick hug. “You think of the best things!”

\--

Riza was now hanging out with her cousin and best friend, Ann. They were furiously wandering through all the stores looking for the perfect hair comb. Ann decided to come along if only to find a replacement gold chain for her mother’s necklace that snapped during a fight. It wasn’t a fight with a demon, but rather, a fight that involved the necklace accidentally snagging on a new shirt.

The pair suddenly came across Nero and Kyrie enjoying some ice cream on a bench. Ann suggested hiding behind a bush and leaving them alone but Riza wasn’t going to have that. She needed her brother’s feedback to fulfill this very important mission.

“NERO!”

Nero almost slammed the ice cream into his face at the sound of his annoying sister’s voice. Kyrie had grabbed his hand away in time, saving everyone the embarrassment. He glowered at his sister with a “whaddya want?”

“Big brother! I have a mission for you!”

“...can’t this wait?”

“It’s for mom!”

“Are you trying to bribe her or something?”

“No.” Riza looked down. “I just want her to understand how important she is.”

Then Nero got it. “Kyrie, is it okay with you if we help Riza?”

“Sure.” Kyrie smiled back at her boyfriend who immediately blushed. “Riza, is there anything in mind you’re looking for?”

“Well… grandma suggested that I look for something like a hair comb for mom. I just want mom to feel like the queen she is.”

“Is her birthday soon?”

“Nah.” Nero said, finishing his ice cream as Riza explained the situation to Kyrie. “Mom’s got this habit of trying to excuse herself as someone relatively unimportant. What her uncle did left a lasting impression on her.”

“Oh, I see! So you just want her to feel better.”

“Yeah. Also, Ann? Didn’t you want to find something for your mom too?”

“Just a chain like the one she usually wore. She… lost a fight with a shirt.” Ann facepalmed. “She asked for a tougher shirt from one of the shops. It was tougher than she thought. Dad couldn’t fit in it though.”

Nero didn’t want to know why Dante was wearing Lady’s shirt. This was a question best left to no one’s imagination, ever.

“I know my idea is awfully simple compared to yours, Riza.”

“It isn’t. Gifts for moms are important, after all. They do so much for everyone but get so little in return.” Riza slammed her fist in her hand. “Our moms deserve the best!”

“That’s the spirit!” Kyrie cheered the pair on.

Nero could only be thankful that for a change, their energies were being channeled into something positive, involving a little less vandalism. Never mind that no one could still seem to fix the Sparda statue after all this time. The citizens had simply given up and accepted the “new” look. Wait, wasn’t Halloween coming up awfully soon…?

This was something he would have to worry about later after shopping. Ann asked Riza what she was looking for in a comb. She wasn’t sure but it felt like it had to be something that made her mom shine. They stopped at the first shop but it wasn’t quite what they were looking with a lot of pieces out of their price range so they were forced to leave the shop, feeling a little rejected.

“Diamond combs are nice but… do we even have that kind of money?”

Nero couldn’t say, they did have a modest allowance but they didn’t carry thousand of dollars on their own person! It was the wrong kind of shop, anyway, catering to the wealthy tourists rather than the average person who might want to splurge on something special. Kyrie suggested another shop that caught her eye a few weeks ago.

At least Ann was able to find a replacement chain and had it boxed up while others were still looking over the display cases. Riza didn’t know what she wanted, for all the combs she saw were lovely but not quite something that made her think of her mom. She rubbed her head, trying to think of something and all she could think of was the color red.

“How about this one?” Kyrie pointed to a comb with flowers made of rubies and pearls. “I think that’d look beautiful in her hair, don’t you?”

“Yes! Kyrie, thank you! But… how much is it?”

Everyone looked at the price and winced. Riza sighed sadly and shook her head, “I think we’ll have to keep looking.”

“Not so fast.” Nero whipped out the phone. “We might be able to convince someone to buy it for the greater good.”

Everyone looked at Nero who began a conversation with the person on the other end, pointing out that Riza came up with the gift idea and wouldn’t that be great if it would cheer up their mother. The voice on the other end only answered in the affirmative and that he would be there in no time at all.

Nero put away the phone before a sliver in the air appeared, splitting the world asunder as Vergil calmly stepped out, slipping Yamato back in the sheath. Riza glanced at Nero with a “what” look for a change.

“It is for a good cause.”

“But, Dad! Didn’t you say that we had to work for things?”

“Gifts for your mother is always an exception.” Vergil stated flatly. “You’re not the only one who’s noticed she’s in one of her moods.”

“It’s my fault.” Riza said with a small sigh before explaining the conversation to her father who only shook his head.

“No, it’s not. It’s complicated. Your mother had a rich imagination when she was younger and what I had told you was a situation comparable to that.”

“That you were saving a princess from a terrible ogre?”

“Every time you tell that story, I swear mom tries to throw a book at you.” Nero responded, ignoring the withering looks from both his father and sister.

“It’s because of what happened before her banishment ended her childhood and why she goes out of her way to make sure you children have a reasonably normal childhood.”

“Does that include vandalizing grandfather’s statue?”

“Hey, it was for a good cause, Nero!” Riza shouted. “He can’t go around looking like he stepped out of a history book!”

“No, you’re right, he really can’t… is he even allowed near civilization?”

“...that’s a question for another day, children.”

And the comb was purchased, wrapped into a box, and firmly placed in Riza’s hands. The store staff were too stunned by the whole incident of a man appearing out of nowhere just to purchase an item and disappear shortly afterwards after leaving instructions to his daughter.

“Uncle is such a drama queen.” Ann complained.

“Certainly isn't a dull moment.” Kyrie gave a small chuckle while Nero groaned, facepalming. “Shall we get back to our date, then?”

They had exited the shop and were ready to depart on their own before Kyrie turned around to speak to the young girls wanting to know if they had any plans for halloween costumes because she had spare time to sew them some costumes. The pair were in definite agreement that they needed costumes and they would be only too happy to have Kyrie’s sewing skills at their disposal.

\--

Report for today  
By  
Sam 

Sparda decided that the grand opening of Grand Bug Daddy Pub would fall on Halloween. Then the name got jinxed by the entire clan, sending him back to the drawing board for more terrible names. Trish suggested “Electrifying Bar” while Lady tossed out “Sunlit Grenades”. It’s clear that no one actually knows how to name anything at all.

Dante suggested “Inferno.” I threw a pillow at him for the obvious pun before Eva reminded everyone that it was supposed to be Family Friendly.

I am not sure if anyone knows what that is.

N: Did grandpa ever actually decide on the style for the pub before coming up with a name?  
E: Yes. I made sure to keep him in one decade. Dark cherry wood furnishing with light gray walls for a comfortable atmosphere.  
C: Oh, that does sound comfortable.  
S: Just don’t call it Castlevania.

At some point, the bar got named to Dragon’s Cove and I’m still not sure how dragons got involved but I imagine it’s easier to explain away dragons that it is to explain demons and a giant cockroach.

\--

Riza was helping putting the comb in her mother’s hair. “There.” The comb was a perfect match for her mother’s red and white ombre gown made by Kyrie who decided to add a surprise of her own to match the gift.

“Thank you for the comb, but why?”

“Don’t ask such a silly question, mom! Just hold your head up and be regal like you are!”

Carina chuckled at her little girl who was insistently wearing a mint colored poofy dress with a sparkly tiara in her hair. “You’re right. I’m sorry that I worried you.”

“I only wanted you to feel as beautiful as I think you are.”

“And you’re right! We’re both beautiful! Time to wow everyone at the grand opening, aren’t we?”

\--

Speaking of the grand opening, it seemed that the pub was a reasonable success with Trish manning the bar in an RPD uniform. Where she got the outfit from, no one had any idea at this point and they were too afraid to ask.

Nero had to squeeze his way through the crowded room to find a booth for him and Kyrie. He was feeling a little bashful about wearing a matching couples outfit with his girlfriend but if it made her happy, it was worth it.

Sparda stopped by the booth and beamed at the young couple. “Ooh, the fifties?”

The teenager groaned quietly, trying to hide into the leather jacket once his younger siblings showed up with Riza mostly making fun of him for looking like a dork with Nero having tried to style a pompadour and halfway failed in the process. For a change, Victor put his hand on Riza’s mouth and dragged her away, saving Nero.

“I owe you one!” Nero called out to his younger brother.

“Milkshakes on the house!” Sparda dumped some mysterious looking concoctions on the table. “Pumpkin flavored! Who knew pumpkins were such delightful gourds?”

“Sparda?” Eva called out.

“Excuse me, I have been summoned!” Sparda dashed off.

“Is it me or are your grandparents dressed like the Addams Family?” Kyrie asked before taking a sip of her milkshake.

“Yes. I think that’s almost normal for them.” Nero answered. “I can’t believe you managed to have that much time to make so many costumes.”

“A girl’s got to have hobbies.” She smiled back. “Plenty of practice making outfits for the orphanage.”

Nero quickly slid out of his seat, taking his place right next to Kyrie’s so he could surprise her with a kiss. She gratefully accepted, wrapping her arms around his neck and giggled. They were interrupted by Ann who was also dressed up in an RPD uniform, loudly issuing them one ticket for PDA. Nero glared at the young cousin before Ann pointed out that Riza promised ¼ her candy stash if she would issue a ticket.

Meanwhile, Sam was taking a long drink of a fruity halloween themed concoction known as one “Spooky Researcher” through a straw. On the other hand, Sam was dressed like themselves, this time wearing a pumpkin on their head. Minimal effort. Lucia was sitting at the bar with the researcher, having found the time to wear a mummy costume thanks to Trish’s help.

“I should have planned my trip better.” Lucia said, shaking her head. “Though I didn’t want to miss seeing this place. Maybe Matier will be amused… she said she wasn’t interested in leaving the village.”

“Yeah, and you’d be giving Sparda nightmares again.” Sam responded. 

Sparda hadn’t quite recovered from the shock of meeting Lucia and finding out about Matier. It took Lucia to explain that Matier was her adoptive mother and there was some complicated circumstances regarding the matter that happened back in South America. Still didn’t stop him from sweating bullets regardless. Eva thought Sparda was being silly and mentioned that he had a notoriously bad memory to the point that just trying to think about where he had been would send him into a panic.

Trish refilled Sam’s drink and grinned to Lucia. “Having a blast yet?”

“It’s … something.”

“I’m going to pop in some music right now!”

At some point, a dance floor got added in the restaurant plans and no one knew who was responsible for this idea. They were only thankful there were no stripper poles or Dante would jump at the opportunity to show off his skills. (It went without saying that he actually had one installed in his office at some point.) 

Once Trish switched the spooky background sound effect cd over to halloween dance mix, several people left their tables to hit up the dance floor. If anything, you could say that dancing was definitely in the Sparda genes. There was a cheese wheel in the middle of the dance floor … attempting their own version of a breakdance.

Sam was entirely too tired and too drunk to even consider joining everyone on the dance floor so they were content with watching the action. Suddenly, there were three blurs of the tiny terrors having somehow managed to devil trigger with Riza shouting at Nero that she was the prettiest demon princess and he couldn’t stop her. Aggravated, the older brother took off after them, shouting at them that they weren’t allowed to do that in spite of the holiday.

“Damn, they beat us to it.” Dante said to Vergil who only rolled his eyes.

He froze, taking a good long look at his twin who had somehow managed to dress up like one Leon B. Kennedy. It was a little wonder why Lady was dressed up like Ada Wong as well.

“And what’s with the get-up, Verge? I asked you to theme with us.”

“None of the costumes were to my liking.”

“You’re practically wearing the same thing as you do every day, only in black. What are you, some kind of goth vampire?”

“Perfection cannot be undone.”

“Lighten up.”

There was a bright glow from the other side of the bar as Dante cleared his throat with Vergil still glaring at him. “I meant that for you, not for Nero.”

Nero had somehow managed to accidentally set off his own devil trigger while chasing after the tiny terrors. No one seemed to be fazed, having been under the impression that it was a very good special effect going on with Nero’s costume. He had Victor in one arm, Ann in other and his wings were holding an obviously very agitated Riza.

“Impudent peasant, you will unhand your princess at this very moment!”

Nero ignored Riza but he started sweating as Kyrie finally returned to his side. She was somehow not fazed by the sudden change, having expected it. Sure, he managed to hide his devil trigger from her all this time but she always suspected that it was very cute in her opinion, and of course she was never wrong.

“You’re really beautiful, Nero.”

“Kyrie…”

“Even when hauling around the terrors.”

Nero blushed furiously with a slight golden glow. “You’re not bothered?”

“Never!” She gave him a quick peck on the lips before Ann started shouting about arresting them for PDA crimes.


	5. Chapter 5

Nero was standing outside, watching the Tiny Terrors build a snowman, arguing about what they wanted the snowman to look like. He rolled his eyes before calling out to them that they shouldn’t worry about the details. There was angry insistent yelling in his direction from one Riza who said that they couldn’t afford to do such basic things. He let out a long suffering sigh.

“You know, since you’re responsible for the statue’s vandalism…”

“Of course! I’ll show those fools what Grandpa looks like!”

“...crap.”

It was thanks to three very determined children that they were at least able to build something vaguely resembling one snowy demon cockroach with buttons for eyes. Nero wrinkled his nose at the snowman. Victor had a quiet contemplative look on his face, adding his scarf to the snowman and flashed Nero a thumbs up.

Kyrie came outside, carrying hot chocolate on a tray for everyone. She handed them out while commenting on a well job done with the snowman. Ann pointed out that they should probably build a snow grandma too and the trio quickly went off to gather more snow.

“Thanks, Kyrie.” Nero said, sipping the mug. “You sure you want to suffer outside with me?”

“I don’t mind! Besides, it’s been a long time since I got to play in the snow with you. Let’s make snow angels!”

Nero blinked for a moment. Why did they ever call it snow angels anyway? Wasn’t that going to be super weird for a quarter demon to try to make snow angels? He never gave a single thought to that question as a child. Growing up was kind of bizarre in so many ways if unnecessary questions were popping in his head all the time.

“Stop thinking and join me!”

Nero just stood there like a deer in the headlights, watching Kyrie make snow angels in front of him. He made awkward noises, putting the empty mug on the porch, having somehow managed to gulp it in record time. He plopped onto the ground next to Kyrie, slowly turning red. He couldn’t tell if it was from being cold or he was getting uncomfortably warm in his winter clothes.

Their mother had insisted on everyone dressing warmly whether they liked it or not. They were more human than demon and were not allowed to accidentally get frostbite. He stretched out his arms, trying to remember how it was done. Right, moving his arms up and down, forcing the snow to pile up around his body’s outline. Riza walked over to him and dropped a snowball on his face.

“HEY! What the hell was that for?!”

“Nero, you complete fool! Your snow angel has FOUR ARMS.”

“Wh--”

Nero immediately sat up, wiping the snowball from his face then looked behind him. Whoops. His extra appendages had popped out and left behind a questionably eldritch horror looking snow angel. Good job, Nero. He facepalmed with all of his hands as Riza stalked off with a “hmph!”

“I like it.” Kyrie laughed. “It’s something only you could do.”

Since his wings were still out, they had started glowing with golden light as he fought to hide his blush with the help of his scarf. As soon as he remembered that Kyrie had knit the particular dark blue scarf dotted with red hearts, his face turned completely red. It was as if he could melt the snow around him with all the heat he was giving off.

“Ah! Stop hiding your face! You’re too cute to do that.”

“Kyrie, please…”

Nero got hit in the face by a snowball. He immediately whirled around and launched one at Riza which made her flee, shrieking. Victor quietly gathered up the empty mugs, returning them to the house. Kyrie sat down on the porch watching her boyfriend chase after his younger sister with snowballs. Sam the researcher popped their head out of the door and got pelted in the face by a stray snowball.

\--

Today’s Report:

Christmas has always been a weird event in the Sparda household. Back in Fortuna, it was called Saint Sparda Day. Thinking about it some more and having been exposed to the outside world, I should have questioned more about why the island is so goddamn weird. First time I experienced Christmas, it was a major culture shock for me. That year, the family gave me a shiny new notebook and I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard in my life before.

Regardless, after being through so many Christmases with the Spardas, the tradition has remained the same. Sparda would always put a red cap (and a fake beard) on with his usual purple suit. With the grandchildren, I got dragged into the role of the merry elf assistant. I have long since accepted this fate along with Brie, who proudly showed off her bright, shiny red nose this year. Sparda has a hidden talent for coming up with various accessories for Brie, I swear.

S: Hoho! Little Riza, what do you want for Christmas?  
R: Power.  
C: HOLD ON A MINUTE THERE, RIZA.  
(Riza flees, being chased by her mother. Vergil looks like he wants to die a little on the inside because he knows that he’s going to get yelled at later.)  
S: Anyways, how about you, Victor?  
V: An ebook reader. To hold more books.  
S: Well, that’s easy enough!  
G: Rats.  
S: I didn’t ask you, Griffon. Ann?  
A: A grenade launcher, maybe? And making your own ammo kit…  
(At the time of the transcript, Sam could be heard sighing loudly)  
S: Um… that’s something you’d have to talk with your parents about.  
(Sam is visibly shocked at Sparda)  
A: Mom said it was fine. Dad just shrugged and said he couldn’t disagree.  
S: We’ll see about that.... Nero?  
N: This is ridiculous, grandpa.  
S: Just play along.  
N: For Griffon to stop throwing up fish on my homework.  
G: But that’s how I show my eternal affection for you.  
N: Stop it.

\--

They were all sitting in front of the fireplace, thawing off with more mugs of hot chocolate. Riza and Nero lost the snowfight to Ann who generously applied her (new!) snowball launcher in a surprise attack, burying them both. Victor had seen the attack coming and wisely escaped preemptively.

Ann left the group to retrieve some more sugar cookies from grandma’s kitchen. Kyrie went to sit by Nero, covering him with her blanket which he gratefully accepted. Sam sat on the other end, writing in their notebook and drinking from their mug.

“I can’t believe she got a snowball launcher.” Riza grumbled. “I asked for power and what did I get?”

“You’re lucky you didn’t get grounded for a month.”

“Yeah, but dad’s the one who’s grounded.”

Nero made a small snorting sound, mussing up Riza’s hair which made her yelp angrily, trying to block the attempt. Such sibling love on display.


End file.
